I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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