is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
