Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
