My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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