Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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