If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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