marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
