Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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