And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
