yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
