i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
