guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
