I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
