when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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