i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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