I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You can't special order awesome
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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