haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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