How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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