Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
