My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
