remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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