Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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