So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its about making memories worth repressing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
