You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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