First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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