i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
