So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The air was thick with penises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
