he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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