saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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