Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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