apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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