You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
