my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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