Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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