I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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