what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
