my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
