why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
