In America we eat man semen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
