We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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