I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
