You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
