Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
