THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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