Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
