Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
