woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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