I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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