The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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