Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
