Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
