Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
