I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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