I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
