A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
