Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
